it really is hard for me, sometimes i feel like i should be stronger, sometimes i feel like i wanted to cry even if it just for a moment. when i feel down like this, i pray to God while crying and i'd tell him again and again that i'm tired, i need his strength to overcome everything, i want everyone that i'd know happy and healthy. tbh i feel bad for complaining while crying like this though i know God will never mind it.
sometimes i need someone else to tell me that i did great, that i loved, that they all here with me, that everything will turned okay, that they feel sorry while hugged me. but.... there's no one like this here with me. i feel i'm alone here.
today, i let out my feelings to my bestfriend, i feel slightly better because he is the one that i have right now. he is my only ally and always try to be there for me. his pressence was really calmed me and i'm glad having him as my friend though i'm still not good and feeling lonely. he said that he'd cry while reading my message today, he is so sweet, right?
as for my lil sister, she really is sweet person. she dun even know what made me cried but she's there crying with me. it feel like my heart and her were connected to each other.... i dunno... i dun like crying in front of my family, ain't really open up to them either. everytime i had problem i always hide it and that's everything worked.
one day, i've someone that i had crushed to but he said that it was inappropriate to tell something privacy to him. just like that, i know that he's not the right one for me. i just need someone to hear what i wanted to say but i guess it's clear as crystal he is not interested at all.
having at least someone which i can tell everything... how to say this, i can't even describe but i feel so grateful to him, at least he is now the one that i need the most, i think his kindness will never be paid.
i dunno why i write this here..... everything just so mess, but... writing here do make me feel better.
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