hello, everyone! 🙋♀️🌸
can't believe i am finally here again writing something to tell, actually i will just write random things and sorta short rant about my life. didn't expect myself that i'm back. how's life, pals? wishing you guys a good days in life. ✨
can't believe that last time i wrote a post here when i was 23 and now i'm 26 lmao. how come life running so fast than i imagine?!
hng, something to say... i don't think my life as bright as my younger version imagined but it's great so far although nothing special happened but i'm happy with what i had now. i just simply living my life, doing a circle thing like working, watching movies or anime, do workout sometimes, playing games, scrolling twitter and tiktok, singing while shower. i appreciate little things i can do in my life and i focused with myself. this part of reason why i avoided my friends in social media, because i want to focus on myself. i'm not regret anything cause i'm better like this. i don't compare my own life and criticized myself just because i'm different from others. my life is my life. i run with my own pace although i know i'm a slow runner just like my younger self lol. 😂
there's this day, i accidentally opened my insta account and seen my friends. they already achieve something and yes i'm comparing theif life with my own. ”how nice to get married and has child”, ”how nice they went to other country”, ”oh what a wonderful job they had”. we're in the same age but that time i think myself low and i hate what i thought that time. that's why i think i need space to focused on myself and build a courage, to keep being grateful, to not lower myself again and living with my own pace.
okay.. i forgot that this post supposed to be about a life update. hng... i'm still working in school as administration staff. i'm in the charge of making financial reports, so i kinda busy since there's alot of things to do and deadlines are always cling to me. sometimes it's boring and i get too exhausted but idk i'm still in this for almost 3 years now. i want to change for a better career but i will do that when i think it's right.
for relationship.. recently, i'm in relationship with someone younger than me. it's first time for me to have someone that ’young’ as a lover. i met my boyfriend because a game that i played. i tend to have a call with him and other friends from twitter while playing genshin and that's when we're get to know each other. you guys know that i'm not someone who easily got attracted to someone, right? it's happened like an accident cause i didn't intend to falling for someone else after breakup with my ex. my ex and i was in serious relationship before but we did breakup because of me. because we're a bestfriend before and i can't see him as a guy that's why we broke up and there's something that change with our relationship. of course it was and i thought i was ready for it but when it happened it wasn't feel right. i like our relationship as a bestfriend better than a romantic relationship with him. it doesn't feel right because day by day i become indifferent and treat him bad. i feel i'm the worst for doing that and that's why i need to fix it with him. before it's too late and we're get attached to unhealthy relationship. i don't want that and i know it's not so my thing to do something like a redflag guy did. i don't like myself for treat him bad like that.
with that, idk but right now i'm treating my boyfriend right, i guess/? i learnt my lesson before. it's hard when you have someone younger as a lover i'm not lying lol, but i think i'm happy with him??? it surprised me too because i'm not into younger guy, i like daddy guy more tho. 😅 /kidding. i love my baby. 💗/
but with him... i feel like i can be myself more/? throwback with my previous relationship, i don't think i had been this comfy with someone before. i can be myself and idk what just he did to me... he got much guts that i opened so many sides of myself which i didn't even know before. if i should described him in just one sentence, maybe ”he's a part of me which identical but different somehow”. i like how identical we are. i like our bed stories and jokes in our sleepcall, i like our banter while we're playing games, i like when he got so clingy (i don't like clingy person but if it's him... i just.. don't know dhshshs) and i like how different we are, like he really loves to eat durian while i don't, he likes to read boring things like politics and history while i'm more into practical things like math or biology or something.
i still remember our first imperfect date. it was messy. i got a quarrel with my parents, it was a cloudy and rainy day which is so gloom, we both late because of traffic, we both fall when he took me for a ride... but it was fun to do such things with him, like everything was unpredictable. he gave so much enjoyment for me in life although not all of it was a pleasant thing, there is also thing that wasn't.
i still remember how he suddenly grab my hands for the first time. his face was so red (...ofc my face also red because it was so embarassing) when we're walking on the street though we're just laugh it off and then talking for hours until sunset came, it such a shame that we both can't see the sunset clearly since it was so cloudy.
i still remember that we're randomly watching mario movie in cinema just because we don't know what to watch lol. he asked me to pat his head then he slept like a child because he got tired from doing some work.
there's so many magical things that he bring to me. i feel butterflies and lightning comes because of him. and i think... this is the first time i fall for someone so hard. i feel like he's the right thing that ever happened to me... i hope it was.
i haven't talk to anyone about my life but today i was doing that! i think that's all, pals. i wish to be happy and i wish you guys the same. aishiteru. saranghae. wo ai ni. HAHAH.
bye, guys. see you again. 🙆♀️💗
